It's been an odd month. On one hand, I have been more productive than I've been in a very long time – more than any time in the last ten years – and I am discovering tons of new and exciting processes along the way. Artistically, I feel incredibly “awake.” On the other hand, I have been having discussions about the future that I never imagined having.
I have always assumed I would live out my life in America. While I have genuinely enjoyed traveling and seeing other cultures, I was always happy to return here. Sure, it's messy and strange and I've long held a laundry list of things I wished were different. But despite its flaws, it has always felt like the place that harbored the most potential and opportunity for me. I'm not so sure I feel that way anymore. I'm processing disappointment at a bone-deep level, and I honestly can't say how I will feel after digesting all of this. Josh and I have been having lengthy conversations about how much of a future we have here. At this point, neither of us can say.
I realize that most people would assume I am speaking politically here, but I'm not. I tend to view things more culturally than politically. Living around people I disagree with is not very difficult, but living in a culture that I find morally bankrupt is a completely different beast. I have had to walk away from things in my life once I saw, and really understood, that there was something fundamentally wrong with them. It has happened in both my work and my personal life at different junctures. But I never thought I might have to walk away from my country for the same reason. While not the heaviest question I've ever asked myself, this is definitely one of the biggest in scope. I guess we will see. The back half of this year, and how we continue to handle our concepts of society, morality, community and humanity, will be very telling. I am watching closely. I am not terribly optimistic.
But we are in an inherently contemplative time, in almost all regards. Nothing makes you contemplate the future more than staring down the barrel an uncertain one. Naturally, I have also been rethinking what my work is going to look like going forward.
The world I have worked in for the past 15 years is pretty unrecognizable right now, and like most everything else, large aspects of it have ground to a halt. For the first time since I began putting out records, I have been totally rethinking how I want to continue. Because if I am honest about it, I have felt limited these past 7 or 8 years. There are a number of reasons for this, but here is a big one: When the music world moved away from personal websites into social media, I had to change the way I communicated. For me personally, it was not for the better.
Websites, by the nature of how they're organized, allow for flexibility. You design a place that people can visit, if they are so inclined, and you can fill it with whatever you choose. When I first started making my music available to strangers, back in 2002, everything I was doing was collected in one place. This included all my music projects (Radical Face, Electric President, Patients, and any side projects), as well as artwork and short stories. And this really suited me. I don't exclusively perceive myself as a musician. I most see myself as a songwriter, if forced to choose, but even that feels narrow if I look at how I spend my time. I rotate between songwriting, visual art and prose all the time, and I used to feel free to share any of it, and show how the three were influencing each other. But once social media became the dominant medium, I really had to pick. Building multiple profiles with multiple purposes is a very tall order, especially for someone like me, who has no particular inclination to share my personal life to keep a steady stream of posts up. And since Radical Face was my most popular project and where the bulk of my income stemmed from, it quickly became the sole focus. At least publicly. I still made the other things – I just stopped sharing them. I have resented this change. I could write an obnoxious rant about all the reasons why, but it's most simply summed up as: social media my least favorite form of communication on the internet, both professionally and as a person. It's too focused on crafting an image instead of content. I have to make myself use it. I get very little joy out of it.
But then a pandemic comes along, the world stops spinning, and I find myself asking a different set of questions. Instead of wondering how to work with something I don't enjoy to make it more bearable, I start wondering if there is another way altogether. Instead of seeing most of my work as a dance between recording and touring cycles until I run out of steam, I start wondering how I really want to spend my time. And I start asking myself what I really believe in at this point in my life, and what I find exciting.
That's how I came up with “Hidden Hollow.”
After a lot of conversations with some people I'm close with, I started noticing that I have one common impulse in everything I do: I like to share. I enjoy sharing my work, whether its music, writing or visual art. I like sharing process, especially when it shows people that they can learn it all too, that’s it’s in reach. But I also love sharing all the art I find, that I am a fan of, that I'm inspired by. Anytime something moves me or makes me think, I pass it along. When I read a book that makes me set it aside and just stare into space while I process some amazing moment in it, I want to give that experience to others. I love recommending food, or films, TV shows and documentaries – anything that makes the world a little bigger, that helps you realize there is more out there to experience.
So I've decided to do just that.
Hidden Hollow is a monthly mailer that I'm going to send out the first Tuesday of every month — a re-branding of my mailing list, with a schedule. Inside it, I am going to include at least one new Radical Face song. But just an isolated song with no larger context. It will not be a part of my next album. This will give me a chance to actually release all the recordings that I usually just leave on hard drives for years, and sometimes never release at all, but also to just have some fun with song-writing again. I will also be sharing my new, more electronic project, Human Mother, and any writing or paintings I feel are relevant, or that I'm just proud of. But I don’t want this to just be some self-promotion vehicle. I want it to go well beyond that. So I'm also including book recommendations, favorite quotes, music playlists based on themes, artists to check out, cool music videos and short films, etc. I want it to be a completely free digital package full of goodies to spend some time on if you have it and you're inclined, both for myself and for all the things that have moved me or provoked some thought.
But since I also love discussing art and getting recommendations in return, and email is not a very good format for that, I have also created a website that will serve as a forum and an archive. I have attempted to run forums in the past, I know, but it was at a time when everyone moving away from them and I was under pressure to use social media. So I let them wither. Well, I think I can safely say that I know how I feel about all of this now, and I much prefer websites and forums to any alternatives. I will still post notices and work on Instagram and the like, but the meat of the content and discussion will (hopefully) live here now.
And from my conversations this past month, I don't think this is just me. Lots of people mentioned they missed discussing things with like-minded people, but specifically without the feeling of constant observation that social media creates. Phrases like “It would be nice to discuss art without my racist uncle feeling some need to chime in” came up multiple times. And I agree. When we are being viewed by basically anyone and everyone, we behave differently. We are timid, or more argumentative, or just don't contribute at all to avoid the headache. Speaking for myself, I much prefer screen names to real names online. I like being in places where the main form of communication isn't emojis and heart buttons that make everything into a bizarre popularity contest. And I like places that feel a little selective when it comes to really sharing thoughts or personal work, with a sense that everyone involved is acting in good faith. So that is why I have kept the Hidden Hollow website password protected. It's not much of a hurdle, I know, but it's enough of one that you need to be just above a passing interest to go further. I don’t xpect this to be terribly popular, but I also don’t much care if it is. Even if it’s just a small handful of people, I will take quality over quantity any day.
So if this sounds interesting to you, and you'd like to sign up for the mailing list, here's a link to the e-mail widget. It will contain the web address and password, in case you are interested in the discussion and sharing forum:
http://eepurl.com/hb4lwf
As for the forum, I spent some time working out a better way to share, since sharing is the main focus. So it is organized based on the action you take instead of the medium. I'd rather you think about whether you are sharing something you've found, or something you've made, rather than trying to categorize the result. If this is something that interests you, then feel free to sign up and share things. I’ll be posting some examples after I post this. The first issue of the mailer won't come out for a few more weeks – August 4th, to be exact – but all the categories and explanations are already in place.
And you know? I honestly have no idea what any of this will do, but I've decided I'm perfectly fine with that. Just compiling this first issue of the mailer has been a blast, and I already have content for the following three. So even if this largely only interests me, I'm getting a lot of joy out of sharing all these things, and writing out all my feelings about them. And I have always believed in the phrase “Follow your excitement.” It tends to lead you to the most interesting places.
I hope this finds you well.